Sunday, January 1, 2012
Trouble In The Hood
Last night I had a dream that I visited an old friend of mine in NYC, for some reason once again (as has occurred in past dreams) he was now living the projects. After parking my car and securing my gun (not owned in waking life but in the dream) by tucking it in the back of my pants, I entered the projects. I wasn't sure which apartment was his so I simply proceeded up the stairwell. When I reached the top floor I was confronted by some young men. They asked me why I was there several times, especially emphasizing "Why would a white guy be in the hood at this time of night?" Looking at a nearby clock I was startled to realize it was close to midnight, which was far later than I planned to stay. They then proceed to shove me and ask me more questions. I addressed them respectfully, even remembering my "Yes sir"s and "No Sir"s at the end of each sentence. When i was finally knocked on the floor by a final shove the young man in front of me shouted out to his friends "Yo! Someone bring me my gat!" By then I knew this was going to be a fatal situation. I discreetly, but quickly reached for my gun, and shot at the assailant in front of me, I fired about three times (in the police academy they teach you three shots to sink the body-mass) and returned to my feet and immediately retreated down the stairs. One of the apartment doors in the hallway was mysteriously open and there was my friend sleeping inside. He saw me and greeted me warmly in surprise. He asked me if I was coming to visit him. I promised I would return tommorrow and we would hang out. I tried to act as if nothing had happened to shield him from the reality of the situation. Then I exited the building as soon as possible and retreated to my car and woke up...
Monday, October 10, 2011
The World of Akarosh
Last night i was wandering in my dream when suddenly a voice guided me to a portal which it said would take me to a deeper layer within my dream world, a world within a world it said. The voice warned me that this world was much more real than my regular dream world and if something bad happened i could be harmed in real life, but the reverse was true as well. I went to a kitchen within this world, but it had been ramsacked by some outside force so I had to use the spare. The voice told me that if I ate something here it would nourish me in real life. I looked in the fridge only a bunch of wraps were there, containing lunchmeat and fresh vegatables. I took a bite of a strange looking wrap filled only with olives. It was disgusting. The cook nearby informed me that the olives represented eyes and served as a warning to someone that they were being watched and destruction was coming their way. He assured me the wrap was not for me but for another and i put the wrap back and continued on my way...
After exploring the complex within this world i eventually awoke...
After exploring the complex within this world i eventually awoke...
Monday, September 12, 2011
Mini Bootcamp
I dreamed last night that as part of the ritual of entering military service i had to go to a nearby airforce base in the area and experience a sort of mini bootcamp. We spent most of the time standing at attention, remaining silent, and practicing marching, though there was ample leisure time as well. There was a small group watching tv when the DI left and so I joined them, silently and stoically i looked at the tv but i had no idea what they were watching and didnt much care. At some point i decided to go the bathroom and I blacked out.
I woke up and somehow i ended up in the brig, a little prison cell of sorts. I realized i had mistaken the brig for a bathroom area (since there was a toilet within) and to my horror i accidentally locked myself in. There was a button to buzz the font desk in case this happened, but unfortunately the button just lit up the cell and generated a computer voice saying, "Not to worry, we are confident that you can learn to march from behind bars" so i sat on the cott and sighed, resigned to my fate.
Finally, the DI returned from his break and released me from the room and gathered the others to finish our drills. He didnt seem to think it strange at all that i was in there in the first place, though i remember him sighing and rolling his eyes as if this happened all the time with new recruits.
Noahs girlfriend Lita showed up along with my mother to see march, but while other new recruits were being picked up by their parents, my mother left me there. I then heard various women's voices in my head reciting what seemed to be a poem entitled "Decant The Rant" assuring me it was ok, and this journey for the betterment of my soul, and all would be well etc.
They left me to my misery, but Lita promised to return to pick me up, and left her cellphone nearby, instructing me to watch it. The DI saw her and greeted her warmly, laughing, as if she were a "regular customer" here, probably from when she picked Noah up before he left for bootcamp. He teased her saying she was early, and didnt get off work for another hour. She explained she was on break, but assured me she would be back for me after work, and once again reminded me to watch her cellphone.
The DI then took us all aside and gave us a lesson in Christianity. Most of the recruits scoffed at him silently, but i listened with keen interest as he told the story of his daughter who was a devout Christian. He said she was so sincere and strong in her faith that she would often glow slightly, and when she left that glow would stay in the eyes of a person she talked to until they followed it to church to find the presence of God. As i said most of the recruits scoffed at the stories he told and the faith he held. I felt like I was the only Christian there.
We took another break of leisure time and one of the recruit, a large, built, and rather hairy fellow discovered a small metal sphere. It was referred to as a "religious matrix", which i suppose allowed one to experience his religion in 3d. The recruit, being a satanist typed into the marix "666" and we watched together. Profoundly realistic 3d images then ensued and we watched together. They mostly depicted torture, and various emo/dominatrix themed images and spectacles. I couldnt stand to watch it anymore so when he wasn't looking i typed in my own religious code "777". There were then images of Jesus Christ himself, both serious movies, and childrens cartoons telling the story of Christ flashed before us. My satanist friend was not impressed, but walked away huffing, puffing, rolling his eyes, muttering and mocking as he went.
I once again felt alone as I enjoyed the religious matrix, when suddenly someone joined me. There was some cartoon that first resembled southpark at first glance, but actually became more like Ren and Stimpy, then Rocco's Modern Life. Whatever the cartoon was it depicted a quaint show where a few children were misunderstanding the concept of imitating Christ. They waited for Jesus to arrive in Jerusalem and discussed how when he came they would simply copy everything he did. My new friend watched the cartoon with keen and sincere interest. We did not say a word to each other, both nervous and unsure of how to behave in this military environment, but nonetheless a silent bond formed, only from enjoying an entertainment piece from our mutual faith, juvenile as it may have been. He was the only other Christian there, i could sense it. Upon wondering what his name was i began to focus as if silently and psychically asking, and it was revealed to me his name was Jose'. As a silent connection of friendship formed between us I suddenly felt at ease and wondered if I might form other such bonds when actually in bootcamp.
Lita finally showed up and took me home. Upon returning my mother explained that she would've come to pick me up herself, but she just wanted me to know what it felt like to "make it back on my own" and I at last woke up...
I woke up and somehow i ended up in the brig, a little prison cell of sorts. I realized i had mistaken the brig for a bathroom area (since there was a toilet within) and to my horror i accidentally locked myself in. There was a button to buzz the font desk in case this happened, but unfortunately the button just lit up the cell and generated a computer voice saying, "Not to worry, we are confident that you can learn to march from behind bars" so i sat on the cott and sighed, resigned to my fate.
Finally, the DI returned from his break and released me from the room and gathered the others to finish our drills. He didnt seem to think it strange at all that i was in there in the first place, though i remember him sighing and rolling his eyes as if this happened all the time with new recruits.
Noahs girlfriend Lita showed up along with my mother to see march, but while other new recruits were being picked up by their parents, my mother left me there. I then heard various women's voices in my head reciting what seemed to be a poem entitled "Decant The Rant" assuring me it was ok, and this journey for the betterment of my soul, and all would be well etc.
They left me to my misery, but Lita promised to return to pick me up, and left her cellphone nearby, instructing me to watch it. The DI saw her and greeted her warmly, laughing, as if she were a "regular customer" here, probably from when she picked Noah up before he left for bootcamp. He teased her saying she was early, and didnt get off work for another hour. She explained she was on break, but assured me she would be back for me after work, and once again reminded me to watch her cellphone.
The DI then took us all aside and gave us a lesson in Christianity. Most of the recruits scoffed at him silently, but i listened with keen interest as he told the story of his daughter who was a devout Christian. He said she was so sincere and strong in her faith that she would often glow slightly, and when she left that glow would stay in the eyes of a person she talked to until they followed it to church to find the presence of God. As i said most of the recruits scoffed at the stories he told and the faith he held. I felt like I was the only Christian there.
We took another break of leisure time and one of the recruit, a large, built, and rather hairy fellow discovered a small metal sphere. It was referred to as a "religious matrix", which i suppose allowed one to experience his religion in 3d. The recruit, being a satanist typed into the marix "666" and we watched together. Profoundly realistic 3d images then ensued and we watched together. They mostly depicted torture, and various emo/dominatrix themed images and spectacles. I couldnt stand to watch it anymore so when he wasn't looking i typed in my own religious code "777". There were then images of Jesus Christ himself, both serious movies, and childrens cartoons telling the story of Christ flashed before us. My satanist friend was not impressed, but walked away huffing, puffing, rolling his eyes, muttering and mocking as he went.
I once again felt alone as I enjoyed the religious matrix, when suddenly someone joined me. There was some cartoon that first resembled southpark at first glance, but actually became more like Ren and Stimpy, then Rocco's Modern Life. Whatever the cartoon was it depicted a quaint show where a few children were misunderstanding the concept of imitating Christ. They waited for Jesus to arrive in Jerusalem and discussed how when he came they would simply copy everything he did. My new friend watched the cartoon with keen and sincere interest. We did not say a word to each other, both nervous and unsure of how to behave in this military environment, but nonetheless a silent bond formed, only from enjoying an entertainment piece from our mutual faith, juvenile as it may have been. He was the only other Christian there, i could sense it. Upon wondering what his name was i began to focus as if silently and psychically asking, and it was revealed to me his name was Jose'. As a silent connection of friendship formed between us I suddenly felt at ease and wondered if I might form other such bonds when actually in bootcamp.
Lita finally showed up and took me home. Upon returning my mother explained that she would've come to pick me up herself, but she just wanted me to know what it felt like to "make it back on my own" and I at last woke up...
Thursday, June 2, 2011
1 Corinthians 10:13
Last night right before 4 am i fell asleep on the couch. I fell into a dream where i was sitting on the porch swing in front of our house. An old friends voice came through my phone. it didnt ring, and when i checked no call as connected. His voice simply went through the phone miraculously, clear as day as if he say beside me.
'I thought you never wanted to talk to me again..." i said sadly.
"I dont," he answered. "But i had to. You have to move on, go on without me. Live your life to the fullest." we talked for a few moments, mostly idle conversation. He told me he still wasnt ready to forgive me. I wanted to ask why, what did I do to make him so angry that year ago? I didn't bother, knowing he wouldnt answer. He encouraged me to pray and seek God, and try to aloow Him to heal me, and help me move on. "Like it says in 1 Corithinthians 10:13..." he said. he quoted a few other verses to me as well, but i couldnt remember them. He also assured me that in heaven, when the world was recreated, and God reunited us, all would be well. Perhaps then, we could reconcile and be friends again. I felt myself waking up. He said he had to put the phone down now and dial 911. Did I say something to grieve him? i wondered. Or perhaps something bad was happening on the other line, something i might never know about, something God has not yet allowed me to understand. I needed to find out what was going on, but I was awakening. I still had so many question, so much I needed to learn from this dream. Couldn't I at least get closure? Fate forced me eyes open, and i was stuck with naught but that verse in my head to take from the experience...
No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
'I thought you never wanted to talk to me again..." i said sadly.
"I dont," he answered. "But i had to. You have to move on, go on without me. Live your life to the fullest." we talked for a few moments, mostly idle conversation. He told me he still wasnt ready to forgive me. I wanted to ask why, what did I do to make him so angry that year ago? I didn't bother, knowing he wouldnt answer. He encouraged me to pray and seek God, and try to aloow Him to heal me, and help me move on. "Like it says in 1 Corithinthians 10:13..." he said. he quoted a few other verses to me as well, but i couldnt remember them. He also assured me that in heaven, when the world was recreated, and God reunited us, all would be well. Perhaps then, we could reconcile and be friends again. I felt myself waking up. He said he had to put the phone down now and dial 911. Did I say something to grieve him? i wondered. Or perhaps something bad was happening on the other line, something i might never know about, something God has not yet allowed me to understand. I needed to find out what was going on, but I was awakening. I still had so many question, so much I needed to learn from this dream. Couldn't I at least get closure? Fate forced me eyes open, and i was stuck with naught but that verse in my head to take from the experience...
No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
What did it mean?
Is there still some faint connection, or was God simply trying to reach me with a familiar voice? Either way what was i being told, and what does it all mean...?Sunday, April 3, 2011
airforce pros
So i am thinking about joining the airforce assuming they are willing to overlook bad choices i made with my last branch in leaving delayed entry, and I've decided to make a list of reasons it might be good to join: 1.I'd be making good money 2. I might salvage what shreds of self-respect i have left by getting a real job and doing good for my country. 3.I dont have any friends left where I live now. Dont get me wrong there's nice people here i might miss, but for the most part i dont hang out with and/or am not attatched to any particular person here. 4. I dont have a girlfriend, and rumor has it that all the hottest girls join the airforce. 5.Everybody would call me "Beaver" again and i grew rather attatched to the designation while i was in Job Corps. 6. I could get away from some of the drama 7A.The job market still sucks here even with my education and experience 7B. Maybe i could wait out the dying economy another four years to see if it gets better, or if i feel the need reenlist and become a life. Job security is nice. 8. Countless reason that i might not have listed... So yeah i guess i need to call the guy back tommorrow.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Back from Job corps
Ok so i graduated from Job Corps about a month ago and I am just now updating my blog. I hope to blog more.
The job search has been met with some hurdles. I got a job in landscaping for like two days, then i got a job offer for a job that was way better: better hours, better pay, etc. i had to go in for paperwork and a drug test the next day or i wouldnt get it so i had to make a split second decision. I ditched the landscaping job.
Then they never called me back for the job that seemed to be mine. I am still confident it will come through but I'm doubting more and more as time goes on. Truthfully i should've stuck with the job i was working with an independant contractor friend of my uncles. I was learning more and doing better there. It wasnt guaranteed to be stable, but maybe the risk was worth it.
A couple days ago a friend from job corps told me i should start a business, the same day my sister told me the same. I do have the basic knowledge i need in basic maintenance and construction but am I good enough to do it myself. I dont think so yet, besides i need tools and a vehicle. Not to mention insurance and a million other things. Still i could easily get a "real" job and pursue that when i save up and get a little more capital and knowledge.
Last night i had a dream that i started my own landscaping business and was working for a friend in our church. It was like a dream job (no pun intended) i felt fulfilled. Is it possible that God is calling me for more than the 9-5 paycheck to paycheck kind of life? I really cant figure it out...
Until then I dont know what to think...but i will start trying to blog more even though after so long of being inactive nobody probably reads this blog anymore...oh well...
The job search has been met with some hurdles. I got a job in landscaping for like two days, then i got a job offer for a job that was way better: better hours, better pay, etc. i had to go in for paperwork and a drug test the next day or i wouldnt get it so i had to make a split second decision. I ditched the landscaping job.
Then they never called me back for the job that seemed to be mine. I am still confident it will come through but I'm doubting more and more as time goes on. Truthfully i should've stuck with the job i was working with an independant contractor friend of my uncles. I was learning more and doing better there. It wasnt guaranteed to be stable, but maybe the risk was worth it.
A couple days ago a friend from job corps told me i should start a business, the same day my sister told me the same. I do have the basic knowledge i need in basic maintenance and construction but am I good enough to do it myself. I dont think so yet, besides i need tools and a vehicle. Not to mention insurance and a million other things. Still i could easily get a "real" job and pursue that when i save up and get a little more capital and knowledge.
Last night i had a dream that i started my own landscaping business and was working for a friend in our church. It was like a dream job (no pun intended) i felt fulfilled. Is it possible that God is calling me for more than the 9-5 paycheck to paycheck kind of life? I really cant figure it out...
Until then I dont know what to think...but i will start trying to blog more even though after so long of being inactive nobody probably reads this blog anymore...oh well...
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The Real Church
I've heard it said before that the church is not a building, but a body. It is the body of Christ, and the family of His believers, our brothers and sisters in Him. It never became evident to me more than it has now. Church is our relationships, our family, our friends, and the fellowship we believers have one with one another. It consists of the people who are there for you.Church literally means two or more are gathered in His name, seeking him and drawing closer to Him. It is a journey we embark on together whether we attend the same congregation or not.
Recently I've noticed some things in the church I once called home that made me realize it wasn't home at all. In all honesty I never felt like part of this church, and certainly not accepted as part of a family. The only time I felt like I belonged was when I worked in the children's ministry, but that part of my life is far behind me and I don't plan on reopening it.
This past sunday me and my friend who came back with me for the break decided to dip out on the whole church scene. He played xbox with my dad and I played the sims, I was pretty happy, I don't need much. After church was over our friend Pastor Brian hosted an open house. It was just a small gathering to welcome people to his newly obtained home. We broke bread and mostly just talked. Pastor Brian shared a more personal story that sort of tied into a devotion, though there was no formal biblestudy. It was really just a few Christians (and a nonchristian in the mix) sharing fellowship and friendship. As Pastor Brian said we were "making memories" together. That's what church is all about. Everyone was welcome, no one was judged.
This little open house felt more like church than any "church" I've ever been to. So I guess I can't say I skipped church this past sunday.
I'm still not sure I'll ever attend faithfully again. If I did go to a church it would have to be one with beautiful single women about my age, that would be the only real motivation that could get me.
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